A day in the life of the Hummingbird (thats me): Paradigm Lost

A day in the life of the Hummingbird (thats me): Paradigm Lost: Yesterday, I had all but finished my blog and my husband asked what it was about. When gave him a title overview he was ..we'll say confuse...

Paradigm Lost

Yesterday, I had all but finished my blog and my husband asked what it was about.  When gave him a title overview he was ..we'll say confused ;) and by the time we were done talking I realized I didn't REALLY feel that way I was just venting. So I trashed it.   I'm a pretty intense person sometimes.  I'll believe 100% in my argument until someone makes a valid point and it causes to to step back, reevaluate, and possibly change my view.  I don't really LIKE doing this sanity exercise, but who does. LOL

Often times there are moments in life when I feel completely fenced in by my reality,  and my thoughts are only of doom and cynicism.  For those of you who don't know me personally I am a tad bit high strung sometimes.  I can easily turn my reality into a  major catastrophic event to which I believe there is no end in sight, and we might as well get down in a bunker and prepare for imminent death!

Insert DEEP BREATH here

 
But, upon saying that I tell ya I am very lucky gal in alot of ways and one of the biggies is that I have a husband who has the ability to calmly explain that what I believe IS my reality.. really is just how I VIEW my current situation. 

It sorta clicked yesterday.  (now just because I say it clicked doesn't mean I am a changed person..I'm sure I'll have my mental moments ;)  But I would like you to join me on my journey of changing how we view reality and life. 

 My blog yesterday that I sadly deleted was about life, God, and Christianity.  I was ranting on the point of it all; the point of trying to be good, trying to be perfect, trying to do what is right.  I grew up believing that God created us, that our life on this earth would not be perfect.  I grew up believing that if we believed in Jesus, confessed our sins, proceeded with baptism that we became a child of God. (side note if God created me..wasn't I already his child why do i need the rituals?;) If you go with the O.S.A.S. (once saved always saved) then I did what was required of me now let me just do what I want without the guilt!

I just got sick of trying. 

 I did the whole eat, sleep, and breathe Jesus thing.  I did the whole..wait for it ...wait for it.. Yo, Jesus I'm WAITING like you told me and uhh...wait are you on channel 1 or channel 2?!? Crap I must have been tuned into the wrong station this whole time..So I guess I'll just make a decision already!  Ok, wait a dang minute I waited, I made a decision that I believed was what you wanted me to do BUT..it benefited someone else!! NOT ME!  (when i said more of you and less of me I did not mean that financially)
So not only did I not hear,... I made the wrong decision?? OR..was that part of a plan you neglected to tell me about.  Whatever it was it left me in a bad spot my man.  
 Every avenue I turn down leaves me with less than I started! (or so it seems) You can see where my paradigm is forming. 
 Why try to be perfect in an imperfect world.   Now hear this..now hear this..Its a set up!!  In my moment of: forget it all.. my life is over.. there is no way out of this mess we're in and my life is a crazy train on a circle track!  I signed up for the fun merry go round and got THIS! 
In my moment of meltdown my husband says something to this affect..Your life is not as atrocious and loathsome as you are making it out!  Who invited this guy to my pity party!?

Here is where the pep talk begins.  You have two healthy girls a happy marriage and a beautiful home...this is just a minor blimp in this thing called life that we do together.  Its not the end it's only the beginning. You need to change your paradigm!  (Well now don't I feel silly!! all along I just needed to change my stinkin thinkin HA I laugh sarcastically) So you mean to tell me that all I gotta do it see things more positive?   I don't know about you folks but things in my life ARE as I perceive them.  I hope you have someone to help you slow down take a deep breath and see the positives of where you are.  Because when I'm in my "gloom despair and agony on me" routine I can't see them.   So I decided to take this opportunity and with the prompting of my husband I WAS (much to my disbelief) able to calm my insanity and take a step back and see the bigger picture. 

 I am the captain of this eccentric ship and he is my  "Bones" telling me "its LIFE Jim, but not as we know it"  so loose your current paradigm.

Goldfish, is whats for breakfast!

I love having a glimpse in the rear view mirror of moments in time that have a certain feel about them even a certain smell and sound.  I have a very active imagination and I can easily put myself back in time.  To me (as in my mind lol) it looks like a scene from a movie where the person is having an out of body experience looking back on bits and pieces of their life.  So, today is one of those days. Lying in my bed listening to a little music Angel From Montgomery the windows are open a nice cool breeze is blowing in.  My kids are both with Grandparents so my rear view moment is the married life before the kiddos..when on days off we didn't have to many cares in the world. We could just be as lazy as we wanted.  We never watched TV,  just chilled and listened to music and enjoyed the beautiful weather.  That my friends is what is happening today.  Layne just got home from a hike; where the only concern for the day is what time to get around, and get our oldest daughter at my parents, and once there partake in some smoked Boston butt.  Ahh these are the days!
Don't get my wrong I wouldn't trade my girls for this brief moment of serendipity!  I'm just going to soak it up and bask in it for a moment before my load of stress that is waiting at the door to dump its full load of "you know what" on me.  So when you get these moments eat goldfish crackers in bed for breakfast. Let the moment move you..take you back..and let that moment of peace change you for the better..if only for a day ;)

Legends are passed on and not forgotten "Dig a Little Deeper"

There are people in your life that you treasure so much; like a memento you keep in a special box on the shelf.  They've been in your life as long as you can remember, they are apart of who you are.  That is what this blog is about today. Passing on a treasure and digging a little deeper into who we really are.

My Aunt Betty Jo- where does a person start? How do you express how much impact one person can have on the lives of so many?  I don't know either, but I can tell you what impact she had on mine.

The first words that come to mind when I think of her are: Honest, Smart, Creative, Savvy, Kind, Compassionate, Grace giving, loving and a great cook.

 Some of my earliest memories of her were when would have a Christmas party at her house.  I remember one year she gave (and still have) this doll she made for me.  It was larger than life to me! One reason it really was a big doll, she made it long and skinny and it had elastic bands on the hands and feet so you could attach it to your hands and feet and dance and play.  The second reason, is because I got a gift that all the big girls got! (my older cousins) BUT the main reason is I was so amazed that someone could create something so great with their hands. 
She is my Dads sister, 1 of 5.  All of my growing up years she lived just a few miles away from me, so I got to see her and visit her alot!  She always had a dog or some animal running around, and she always had a garden.  Not like a garden you see now days, a little four row thing with a few veggies.  Her gardens were massive! (well they seemed massive to me at the time) To me just the walk from her house to the "big" garden seem like quite a trek! 
Once when I was a bit older I remember I was ridin' the tractor with my Daddy in a field that wasn't to far from her house, so I decided being at her house would be much better than this hot dusty old tractor.  So I asked my Dad to take me to her house..he denied that request. (for you non farmin' folks..once the tractor is in the field it doesn't leave, quit, or stop until the work is done-so me asking for a ride down the road was almost like asking someone in the middle of cutting your hair to stop..go get in their car and get you lunch) However he quickly said you can walk down there if you want.  This was a big deal, like a coming of age, like my dad was saying I was big enough to do something on my own!  I took the opportunity! Plus  I knew Aunt Betty Jo would have cold Mountain Dew! An extra incentive.  So I left out walking. It took me about an hour to get there!!  I was so hot and thirsty I thought I might not make it! But once I saw her driveway..I knew I was ok.  I knocked on her door told her how I got there she opened it wide and welcomed me in with pure happiness to see me.  However she was out of Mountain dew..but that was ok she fixed me right up with some sweet tea!

 I remember her tutoring me in math after school.  I was/am terrible at math!  I was probably about to flunk  and I assume my Mother had probably given a valiant effort, but I can guess we butted heads.  So, lucky for me I got to go to Aunt Betty Jo's house everyday after school.  I loved getting to go down there for any reason...Even if it was math.  She taught me in a way I could understand.  I listened to her, not only in math but in all things especially how important family is.

I learned to drive on her road.  I remember getting to drive my parents car at 14 or 15 (probably more like 15) all by myself from my house to her house.  So you can imagine how much I went to visit her!

Once I went off to college I didn't come home often and when I did I didn't get a chance to visit to many people, but before I left school I would call Aunt Betty Jo and let her know I was coming home and ask her to PLEASE make me some of her homemade rolls!  No one could make rolls like that woman.

After I was married I called home requested some of her pickled beats I love so much, but my Dad was out.  he quickly suggested I go down there and learn how to make them.  So I went down and she taught me how to make them myself.  I haven't made any ALL by myself yet..I've since then either went and picked her up to have her walk me through it or called her on the phone.  Sadly I wont have that luxury this coming year, and I'll be on my own.

To me Aunt Betty Jo was like E.F. Hutton when she talked YOU listened!  Because she didn't talk alot.  She wasn't one of these people who are a Chatty Cathy, and all up in every ones business, but if you crossed her or spoke ill of her family you had best be prepared because she was going to let you know how she felt on the matter, or at least say something to make you check yourself!  I remember once in a conversation we were having about religion (I was married & grown btw) I crossed the line of questioning how one of her siblings could believe a certain way.  She REAL quick let me know that people had a right to believe the way they wanted and it wasn't my business to worry about it.  Yes Ma'am I said humbly.  If you didn't know her..one thing she would set straight in a heart beat was family fighting with each other.  Often times if there was family strife..you tried to keep her from hearing about it. Because you knew she wouldn't approve and she would set things right. (or make you set it right)

She was a strong hard working woman.  She could and did just as much work as any man could that's for sure.  She was a woman who stood for what was right, gave it all she had, and gave grace to all, and never put herself above anyone..ANYONE. As long as I have been on this earth I never once heard her talk or gossip about anyone not ONCE did I ever hear that from her.  I can't speak for anyone else but she never allowed me to talk bad about anyone either..especially in her presence. 

 Everyone in town seemed to call her, Aunt Betty Jo, Granny Jo, Nanny, Mamaw, Momma Jo...I think that speaks volumes of a person character alone.  If any character on TV represents Aunt Betty Jo the best.. I think it's Momma Odie (minus the voodoo lol) From "Princess & The Frog". --The accent is almost spot on ;) watch this clip and for those of you who know her..when Momma Odie says "yo daddy" and "chill-ren" you can almost hear Aunt Betty Jo :)  http://youtu.be/XJT0uhfcCkw

I will miss her greatly, and I can almost say with certainty that Jesus will have her makin them rolls for the banquet..yum yum can't wait!
 

Four letter words

We teach our children they are bad, yet we continue to keep it in our vocab.  Oh wait..I wasn't talking about THAT four letter word geez.  I'm talking about the word DIET. Sorry I thought we were on the same page.  Now that everyone has caught up lets figure this out.  I have a relationship with food..I mean I get excited about certain foods, and sometimes crave different foods..so how is it that we are just supposed to not have what we want! Well...when you "eat with a purpose" cravings drastically diminish!  Your body is an insanely cool machine..it tells you what it needs and what it doesn't!  You know there are certain foods you hate...you know why?  Because your body doesn't need what that food has to offer.  Same goes with foods you love or crave!  NOW I'm not in anyway saying that your body NEEDs those Cheetos!  The majority of those packaged foods I equate to drugs.  Food can be a drug you know.  If you're used to all that sugar your body is addicted!  That's where I personally think coffee enemas help a great deal! (more on that later) That, and replacing your sweet tooth with fruits helps you get through your food DTs.

 There are many things that need to happen and one of them is a full on FOOD REVOLUTION!  I always thought those Moms who didn't let their kids eat happy meals, potato chips, and didn't keep soda around the house were a little...well I thought YOU were weird and out there! There I said it!   BUT in the words of one of my favorite people Maya Angelou "When you know better, you do better." 
Isn't that a screaming cry for food education.  How are people in this country who are struggling with all sorts of CURABLE (but according to our medical community incurable) diseases that have been propelled by foods that have been processed, or genetically modified, or loaded up with High Fructose CORN syrup supposed to have a fighting chance without knowing the effects it has on their bodies?!?!   Here is where I have to give a big plug to Dr. Gerson.  If you haven't heard of the "Gerson Therapy" I highly suggest you look into it.  http://gerson.org/ 
But what does all this ranting have to do with a four letter word we use called DIET.  I know you've heard this before but if the majority of the word spells "DIE" then I want no part of it!  Cause that's what diets do they KILL YOU, your spirit, and your sense of well being.  It's a mental game I refuse to play ever again!

Now for the past month I've been on this journey of health and healing. (again thanks to Dr. Gerson and Charlotte opening my eyes on food and healing).  I have endometriosis and when my doctor wanted to do surgery AGAIN and then for pain management...get this...put me on LUPRON which by the way in an injectable HORMONE.  Oh did I forget to mention it puts you into a menopausal state! Yeah thanks but no thanks...did I mention that was her suggestion for PAIN!?!?  Sheesh. So, upon watching The Beautiful Truth www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvzDHGLEUyw    and several other great documentaries about our food system, organic food and just getting back to basics..I ordered "Healing the Gerson way" I decided I was going to take matters into my own hands, and "let my food be my medicine and my medicine be my food."  I called and spoke to the clinic and although I am unable to do the full therapy they gave me some tips on where to start.  (They can't back what I am doing because I'm not doing the full therapy and I understand why..food combinations, restricting certain foods and products ect..that's how you heal from the inside out) 
I set a goal of one month. incorporated as much of the Gerson therapy as I could and set out.   I'm not a person with great willpower so...I figure I could do anything for ONE month right!?!  So I decided one month without meat, without adding salt to things and without soda, and ADD in coffee enemas.  I figured that would be a good place to start.  I'm one day away from going the whole month!  I will tell you one week in I had energy and actually felt like getting up and exercising!  YES I know who "wants" to do that??   Well turns out when you feel good you actually enjoy it.  I didn't realize how funky I felt.  I feel great these days...I mean I really do!!  By the way what I am doing is NOT a diet.  I call it "eating with purpose."  When you start to feel better and you're eating whole foods, and plant based..you look at that food you ate before as the enemy.  It's psychological, but it's effects on your body are very real!  Now don't get me wrong I'm tempted by meat sometimes..but what has kept me from caving was how good I feel and my short one month timeline.  I'm getting ready to go on vacation and I told myself in the beginning of this as a reward I would allow myself to eat meat.  BUT..now being one day away..my view has changed..I tell myself IF I'm craving I'll have fish, chicken or a lean cut of beef and I'll only have beef once!  Its mental I KNOW! But the feeling that I NEED meat has been proven wrong! Be careful just because you're not eating meat does NOT mean you're eating healthy.  You can be a vegetarian and eat unhealthy.
You know whats great about this "eating with purpose"..my kids are eating so much healthier, and I'm now that Mom that uses sodas (and those tiny cans btw) as an occasional treat!  I've lost 7 pounds and am now running just over a mile most everyday.  By the way my oldest daughter wants "running clothes" so she can start running two! 

I'd like to say this to all of you who think there is NO WAY you could live without meat.  Try it for 2 weeks.  BUT before you do plan a bit.  You'll need to sit down with recipe books or online vegetarian websites and plan you're meals at first or you will cave to the temptation of ease and hit a drive through.  Remember at first only buy one weeks worth because fresh food doesn't last long.  Also shopping at Whole Foods is a MUCH more pleasant experience than any other grocery store. 
Lets start a REVOLUTION!

#GLYD

Ever seen this?  I used to think it was "glad" hahaha!  However it means: Give Like Your Dying!  Alot of us have heard the chorus of the song that says "live like you're dying."  Now thats something we can get down with right?!?  I think we all have this dreamy idea of what it would be like to actually LIVE like we were dying..but when it comes down to it..thats just to risky right??  HAHA.  So, I can only imagine what #GLYD does to you. I mean it FREAKS me out!  You mean you actually want me to GIVE like I was dying???  Whoaaaa! Hey I'm not the one who said it don't flip out on me! Someone I know did...don't know if you've heard of him..the names Jesus.  He's one of those friends of mine who I treat like crap alot, but he still kicks it with me.  Yeah I don't know why either.  So today I've been thinking and trying to figure out what that looks like.  To GLYD that is.  My friend I was telling you about>Jesus..well he SAID he would never leave me or walk out on me...so does that mean he's gonna help pay my light bill if I Give Like "I am" dying?? 

Funny thing is if he motivates me to give cash, a C-note, scratch, chedder.. then yea he will in SOMEway take care of the details.  So far he always has.  He's cool like that.  So I do I treat him like crap?  Good question!  But this song reminds me that hey...there is hope for me yet.  And guess what hope for YOU 2 ;)

When will I be a grown up?

So.. God love her.. my Mother is on facebook..which sorta filters what I say and what I would like to say.  After my Month of Sundays blog (which I posted on facebook and she read) I got to hear a mini sermon on how Jesus wants us to be in fellowship..how small churches provide that more adaquatly but you can get it via community groups in larger churches...blah blah blah.  Was it rude I told her I was looking through a cookbook while she was giving the lecture.  Well I am almost 35 years old and I get that your Mom will always be trying to teach, but at this point in life having grown up with Jesus...I feel quite confidant that if I haven't picked up the "rules" of christianity...I'm either not gonna get it or I don't feel like conforming anymore.  I mean we're all doing this "Thing called life" together and we just gotta do what works for us and our personality when it comes lovin Jesus.  I guess I'm at a point in life where I've tried all the extremes.  From living the way I wanted and doing what my flesh wanted from holy roller>not extreme there but very rigid in that catagory. And when you stay there for long then you deem your self judge in the game of life.  I mean why can't we love God love our neighbors and let our "community" be right where we are in life?  Hear me say this: I'm not we shouldn't go to church, but I don't think it should be a place where we just go get our Jesus card punched.  

Now. Having said all that..I've gotta get back to the cookbook it's day 9 of not eating meat..and I'm feeling great!  So lets keep the party goin~

A MONTH of Sundays

Don't you wish everyday was Sunday?  Sleepin in...hitting the 11am service or...watching church live online on those really relaxed and probably REALLY rainy Sundays or um or Code Orange Ozone Alert Sundays??...But, Jesus would never be ok with you being relaxed on Sunday would he? I mean you'd miss communion or putting your 10% in the "church".  But hey, when JESUS said rest I take him literal!  I used to have that moment that you HAD to be in church every Sunday or Jesus didn't love you as much.  I had more church yesterday listening to http://youtu.be/Lwvino-xcxA than I have in a MONTH of SUNDAYS!!  (I'm all for spreading the beautiful things of this "thing called life")  So "follow", "like" or whatever... this talented guy..Barrett Baber.
 So on this MONTH of Sundays I'm not going to feel guilty because I didn't clock in another JesusInc., I am going to meditate on the blessings, love on my neighbor, and admire the beauty outside of this world wide webbed window into my "thing called life." Because you can't think and do all those things without thinkin about Jesus people ;)

Let me leave you with "this" on this MONTH of Sundays blog: Love God with all ya HEART with all ya MIND and with all ya SOUL.  Then go Love on ya neighbor a lil...ain't nothin better than that! ~Jesus

My mass disorganization prevents serial killers from studying my habits in order to kill me.

I long for the day when I am organized...however at this juncture in life...I'm starting to think its prooooobably not gonna happen.  I have aquired so many useless things in my life..If my house was smaller I might make an episode of horders.  Ok ok I'm not to that point YET!  What is it about Spring that alludes me to believe that I CAN be organized and keep it like that.. and I CAN be a master gardner and I CAN plan our meals out by the month??  I need a spring intervention LOL!! 

Once I stayed on a diet a whole 14 days! I've been a vegetarian for a whole 4 days now...so I've got that goin for me. haha..Seriously though..This is one way of healthy eating I "think" I can stick to for a while.  (ask me in 10 days if I am sticking to that statement :) Thats another thing...I sooorta have commitment issues..It's a miracle I got married in the first place and have been married for 8.5 years!  All you folks who do what you say and say what you mean, plan, organize, and commit to things.  How boring can you be?!!?!?  HAHAHA I kid out of jealously hehe. 

So..my goal is to greatly reduce the amount of crap that we have accumilated...now where to begin?  My ADHD (or the illusion that I have this) always seems to rear it's ugly head.  So what will happen is I will have everything pulled out of every closet and crap piled up on the beds and then I'll start laundry and then I'll start to sweep, then remember I should dust before I sweep..then I'll have a moment of OH YEAH I was cleaning all the crap out of the house.  Then I'll have to stop and feed the munchkins....clean that up...THEN I look around the house which is in TOTAL chaos and say to heck with it and cram everything back where it was.  Hey cleaning out your closets ...thats only good in theory right!?!?1  Yeahhhh thought so. 

healing via coffee

I know you can smell that fresh brewed aroma of a yummy cup of coffee.  However this is what we call "upside down" coffee.  See..ya don't drink it. Got your attention now huh?  Well today my husband started a new chapter in our life.  We're about to embark on a healthier way of life and hoping we both get some healing from it as well.  That sounds great huh...but whats the deal with the coffee?  Part of the healing is coffee enema!!  Oh You heard me right!  If it wasn't for my hubbie I woulda put that off another day.  BUT we got all the things we needed and we did it!  It wasn't as horrid and I imagined it would be.  But hey this IS a day in the life of Crissy things get crazy around here..