Jeckle and Hyde #ItsMyLife #ImOkWithIt

Writing has always been a source of therapy for me.  Often times I can have such grand feelings then as soon as I fill my page of emotion I start to realize how out of balance "I" am.  (I always think it everyone elses fault hehe)  I know it as soon as I post it.  If I have that....OMG I am really about to hit the publish button and this is just going to be out there for anyone to see, OR I have to be made to publish a piece. THAT is when I know that what I have written were core levels of emotional clutter that had apparently been building up and apparently my most effective way of ridding myself and cleaning house emotionally is to write. 

It's quite amazing how your mind coinsides to your external house.  The more and more clutter we have in our house the bigger and bigger the clutter becomes, because like attracts like. Then once we "DE-clutter".. it creates space.  When you create space in your home it opens up possibilities you never saw before for your space...because it had so much clutter you couldn't even look at it long enough to organize a plan much less actually deal with it to get creative.  And isn't it funny when we have this clutter the harder and harder it is to move past it when the whole time our end goal is to reduce the clutter. 

Once we finally deal  and get rid of all the tangible things we don't love, use, and value any longer we reduce the amount of negative energy that is held on stagnant things. Those things hold us down and makes us lethargic.  When your rid of all that negative energy.. you have then created room for positive energy and the things that are left are things that bring you joy!  Joy  and happiness are positive energies and have a much stronger source of energy!  So surround yourself with the things you love! Remember "like attracts like"
 
Just like your(external) house so is your (internal) mind and vise verse
Like your (internal) mind so manifest your(external) house. (sounds sorta familiar??)


Well I'm De-cluttering and my mind reeping the benefits and is seeing so many new possibilities.  The future looks bright.  #ThinkI'mGonnaNeedShades

It's NOT Magical...it's Mechanical

I personally want to live in a world where I believe things are "magical" I mean honestly where is the fun with out magical?!? Everyone who is  true to themselves wants everything to be magical ESPECIALLY relationships. We think Prince Charming or Cinderella  will show up one day wisk us away with their charm and knock us to our knees with their undying unfailing never ending love and of course they would rather die themselves before they hurt us! However Magic is just make believe, and we're mechanical and thats just how it is, and Well... Im not sure how mechanics work!!!

These are a few thing I do know. I know black and white. Happy and Sad, Love and hate.. I know drama.  I do NOT know how to turn the other cheek, and Im trying to learn to be balanced.

Do you remember those times in life that you were SURE with all of your being that they were magical and your enthusiasm and joy for life was at it's peak...its pinnacle if you will?  Things burned brighter than the sun in your life then. Your heart sang with gladness, nothing on earth could keep your feet on the ground!!  When you sang songs its like they were were written JUST for you.  We've all had those times. Why don't THEY last?

 I hear its all perspective. Change your mind change your life.  Well what idiot said that?!?  Of course its a mental snapshot of your life at the time.  But my question for YOU Universe is.. what the crap have you done to my perspective??  OR does my mental camera need to be fine tuned?  Was there ever any magic or..is my life mechanical and im not mechanically inclined enough to figure this out?? Am I not taking enough risks anymore?  Have I become complacent, boring and predictable?  Have I risked my soul singing by staying in one spot too long? I used to be the girl who used to laugh the loudest. Now the quiet kills me because is SCREAMS the truth.  I like you want to feel with every fiber of my being. Life is short and I don't have time to be stuck!

I suppose our lives are like revolving doors, well thats how I imagine them anyway. I  feel like I just keep walking around and around.  Too scared to make a decision, or is it the guilt we let other people in our lives have over us?? Ultimate Happiness is on one side of the revolving door and on the other is all the other people and their crap  that awaits us! Somehow I "magically" end up picking the wrong door...or are their mechanical steps I have neglected? So in the past when I've gotten spued on the floor through the wrong door I dust off my jeans look up, stand up and think well hell...wrong door AGAIN!

  I guess it could be our "perspective" while making that never ending circle around.  BUT WAIT, I ask you what if there is such thing as ultimate happiness? Or are we only just allowed glimpses of it?  Are those glimpses a window into enlightenment? I guess the same works for ultimate sadness, betrayel, lost, hurt, and depression.  We all know they exist so the major question is...how to make one outshine the other? I say to heck with perspective and lets get radical...because radical seems adventurous! And maybe thats how you get it back?

Let me say this, I have always hated revolving doors!!  Don't ask me why.. they just freak me out!  I avoid them at ALL costs.  Maybe because I feel like Im trapped in there...and its why using it as an example for life seems so fitting.  Don't mishear me I don't hate my life, on the contrary I love my life, but just because you love your life doesn't mean that major changes don't need to happen.  As I circle around Im looking for the right door the right exit all the RIGHT things.  But I'm starting to believe my right and your right aren't the same rights.  Sometimes... you have to push those doors hard when they're full of people and their CRAP!! And then when the time comes to make the scary decision..you just gotta be brave JUMP out!!

“If you dont know learn how to be scared, you'll never really learn how to be brave.”
― Simon Holt, The Devouring

Running Just As Fast As She Can.....

                             Holding onto one anothers hand...     

Once upon a time lived a chameleon. Her name was CiCi. This chameleon never really felt like she was supposed to be a chameleon, so you can already see how this story is confusing.  Chameleons change their "colors" in social situations and depending on their moods. Society told this chameleon that she was supposed to be who she was on the inside and not to change!  Growing up this chameleon saw her friends dress a certain way act a certain way...so as a Chameleon CiCi changed with her friends.  CiCi loved sports and being active!  She loved being with people and spending time with her friends, and just acting completly goofy!
 Later when CiCi the Chameleon went to chameleon college (as all good Chameleons are supposed to do) she noticed some things...she noticed she wasn't changing her colors anymore.  She was just one color (coincidently the same color as all the other chameleons)..she didnt' think much of it..it was probably normal. Because remember people told her changing isn't good be who you are!

 While at college she met a boy chameleon and all her chameleon friends thought they were perfect.  They both had a pretty color (even though it wasn't changing) and even though these two chameleons knew deep down they didn't quite fit together somehow...all the other chameleons thought they did..so, they stayed together for a long time.  THEN one day CiCI did something radical and started a job with other chameleons that were changing their colors and it seemed like they were really living their life! SO..little by little CiCi noticed her colors started to change again and she felt alive again, but she realized that the boy chameleon she had made lots of plans with only liked her to be ONE color.  CiCi struggled with this alot because was that one color who she really was?? Was that what a good chameleons did? Was she really a chameleon who was supposed to change her colors or should she believe what EVERYONE ALWAYS told her that she was to be true to herself  (whatever that was) and be who she is on the inside..was that one color who she was on the inside?? WOW! So you can see how CiCi was very confused. 

One day CiCi went with her colorful friends and they all took a road trip.  Somehow they arrived at a cliff...then all of a sudden she noticed her friends were laughing and having a good time but she couldn't find them anywhere!  CiCi searched, and what CiCi decided to do next would change her life forever.  She looked at the cliff...she thought about her color...then..CiCi did something no one would have ever expected her to do. SHE JUMPED! She stood at the edge of the cliff, and this time she didn't look where she had been and she didn't care where she was going..she turned and faced the cliff...and just JUMPED!  She didnt' care if or where she landed.

It took a long time fore CiCi and her chameleon love to recover from her jump.  CiCi did alot of damage when she jumped!  Sometimes when you jump towards what you think is right things get broken. For a long time CiCi was broken and the Boy Chameleon got broken too.  CiCi for a while thought...maybe everyone was right...maybe she  was supposed to just stay that one color and live the rest of her life like that..maybe that WAS who she was!!! This mad CiCi sad.  Sad she had wrecked her life sad she had wrecked his life.   Now look what you've done she would say to herself!! Look at all the damage you have caused to the Boy chameleon you said you loved and how the hurt trickled down through some of your friends.

Time passed and CiCi and the Boy Chameleon moved in different directions.  CiCi was still lost and trying to find her colors again because she had been stuck on a dark color for a long time and thought maybe her jump had caused her color to get stuck and she feared it would be forever!

Time passed and one day CiCi went out with a friend and met another chameleon named Leo. He seemed fun and every now and then she could see different colors from him.  It took a long time before CiCi got up the courage to talk to this new Chameleon.  As you can see CiCi was one confused chameleon!And see.. Leo had just jumped off his own cliff so..he mostly was dark too, but every now and then his colors would show.  Little by little, and bit by bit the two chameleons were changing colors and laughing again.  She still worried that it was wrong to change her colors so often, but  Leo laughed at her and assured her that she was supposed to change her colors!! He also helped CiCi realize that she was unique, and by staying the same color all the time was boring and no one could tell her apart from the others when she did what everyone else was doing.  This was new to CiCi, but the more she thought about it...the more she realized that changing her colors WAS who she was supposed to be!

Now a short time into their Chameleon friendship the Universe decided that CiCi and Leo should be together and live the rest of their chameleon life changing their colors and changing their world. 

Now their chameleon life hasn't been easy like CiCi thought it would be.  See...another thing "everyone" told CiCi is that its NOT normal if that jolt of excitement she would get from jumping off cliffs with Leo, or the excitement of changing colors together isn't there.  So CiCi worried again she wasnt' doing it right because that spark didnt' seem to last long, and NOW CiCi and Leo had two little Chameleons to think about.

Some days Leo would venture out looking for Cliffs on his own.  Not other Chameleons just those cliffs..you know where he thought the color changes came  from. Because when Leo would get stuck on one color he began to worry!  However, after going out and trying the scariest cliffs..you know those ones where you can't see the bottom.. the ones that COULD be bottomless but you are so desperate to "feel" something so your colors will change you just close your eyes and close your mind and jump!!! Luckily for Leo the cliffs he jumped from weren't bottomless so..several broken bones later Leo slowly started to realize that maybe the real adventure and the real spark wasn't really from those bottomless cliffs.  That the real adventure was taking CiCi by the hand..and them jumping TOGETHER..and on the way down reminding her how beautiful her colors were (even when others didnt' think so) and in turn CiCi would remind Leo how much she loved his colors and how beautiful his chameleon heart was. 

Guess what happened next??  On the way down they caught a tiny glimpse of a tiny spark from a giant flame that was there under their dark color the whole time!

If you're wondering what happend to the college boy chameleon...he found his most perfect chameleon mate who forced him to change his colors often and THAT  allowed him to see how beautiful the world can be when you let that perfect chameleon mate (as scary as it is) to touch a place on your heart that you've never allowed anyone to even look at.

CiCi and Leo's story isn't over yet..actually its JUST beginning..and if I know CiCi and Leo...it's gonna be one hell of a ride;)

jump!