I have been asked about several times about how I started this journey of health that I am on.  So lets see where the story takes us.

A few years ago I started having a lot of pain around my ovaries.  EXCRUCIATING pain, a pain that would debilitate me and a pain that was so intense I would need to take hydrocodone for about two days.  I went in to see my doctor and he told me I had Endometriosis, and that I would need surgery.  WHAT tha What!? So I left there and doing what I do..I started researching cures, remedies, and the cause.  Everything I read told me this disease (I had a hard time with that word DISEASE) was incurable!  No cure?!?! 
I'm just like any other normal person..you go to your doctor he says this is whats up..I research and there is NO HOPE.  So here I am hopeless thinking THIS is how I will have to live my life.  Its no wonder so many of us are depressed...then we need medication for that too!!

I went in for my surgery to have cysts removed.  What they said would be a quick recovery..WAS NOT...what they said would be an easy recovery..WAS NOT!  I was supposed to be down a day "maybe" two, it was a week of serious pain and me being HIGHLY (pun intended lol) medicated!

Guess what?  In less than 4 months...the  pain was back which meant more cysts!  Talk to my doctor again..I mean obviously I can't have surgery 3times a year!  He suggest a hysterectomy! Are you frikin kidding me?!  So I left his office with that bit of news and now I've had surgery, cysts are back, he's talking another surgery and A MAJOR one at that.  So, I decide to go see another doctor and get her opinion.  She did blood work and seemed thorough, and she comes back with MORE CRAP to tell me.  One my triglycerides are high for a gal my age.  So...she suggested I take a high quality fish oil.  Also I was vitamin D deficient so I needed to take some of that as well.  Does any of this sound familiar?  Go to Doctor>get diagnosed>get pill>pills aren't a cure>vicious cycle continues!

Ok, so back to this 2nd doctor...I ask her what she can give me for the pain (I always hate asking that because I assume they will think I am addicted pill popper) Well she tells me she is having great success with________ drug.  I ask her if that is some sort of new pain medication I haven't heard of?  Her response: oh haha no...it's an INJECTIBLE HORMONE!  OMG are you serious!?!?  I tell her thank you for your time but there is no way in hell I am putting that madness into my body.  (I may leave and eat a quarter pounder with cheese but you're not injecting me with that!)<<That was my very skewed view back then.
Side note..I have always been a freak about vaccinations.  I think we are over vaccinated in this country. So you can see where I was freaking out about the injectible hormone business.

Back to the story: I go home and I'm not sure if it was the same day or weeks later but sometime shortly after I decided to check out Netflix.  We had gotten rid of cable and were only down to Netflix and we hadn't had it long when I stumbled on to "documentaries."  Until this day I had never watched a documentary because I assumed they were boring.  So I scrolled through and read a synopsis of this film and it was talking about curing cancer with food.  I thought to myself what kind of craziness is this?!!?  I decided to watch it and see.  It is called "The Gerson Miracle".  That one film CHANGED MY LIFE! I couldn't get enough of these food documentaries the next one I watched immediately after was "The Beautiful Truth" and it was even better!  It showed real people before and after!  I was amazed with the story one lady who had exhausted all that the doctors knew to do, chemo, radiation..medication..and they had sent her home to die.  She arrived at the Gerson Clinic and was put on a strict plant based diet.  Long story short..she walked back into the hospital where they had sent her home to die cancer free.    THATs when it hit me!!!  If these people can get rid of cancer then I could surely get rid of this endometriosis!
I called the Gerson Clinic and they are the nicest most helpful people on the planet!  They guided me a bit and I hit the ground running.

I gave myself two weeks to get mentally motivated, purge my cabinets and fridge, and to gather meatless recipes from every source I could find.  THIS is where iCutTheCrap was born!
I told myself that I was doing this experiment for at least one month to see if I noticed any changes.  I gave myself one month because I knew I could endure anything (most anything ppl) for a month! 
At first it was hard because when I plan a meal its always focused around the meat.  You pick the meat then you chose your sides, so this new way of eating..it just took some getting used to..like all new things do.

I was so overweight and had felt like crap for so long I didn't even know how bad I really felt because it had just become a way of life. (I always told my friend i had the exact opposite of anorexic girls because I looked in the mirror and thought I was skinny!! LOL)  

When I started this newly Vegetarian life I caught flack from every direction.  People (and when I say people I'm talking friends and family) thought I was nuts, I mean I already home schooled so..there was alot of "bless her hippie heart" happening.  But I now know..when you meet that sort of opposition its your proof you're moving in the right direction.  I pressed on.  Sunday dinners at my Momma's house...NOT EASY! Lord that woman can prepare a roast so well that if she were around during the time of Jesus that roast would have made him rise up on the third day!)  But I wanted to cure myself and that was more important than the roast.  (So prepare for a battle of the mind) 

The first three days were tough.  Luckily I did my homework and knew it was coming.  I couldn't get out of the bed until like 9am but this wasn't different form any other day (remember I home school so..time wasn't/isn't an issue) but to be honest I had lived this way for a while.  So the first three days were hard because I was trying to figure out what to eat what not to eat and all the while craving a coke, and a cheeseburger! 

HOWEVER...by day 3 I had this new little source of energy.  Not a ton but it was enough that I had the thought..."hey I think I could go for a run today"...by the way at this point I haven't really exercised since college and I really wasn't doing much exercise then!  OK, so ..I head out for a run.  I couldn't even jog a mile!  I thought I would pass out right there on the side of the road!  BUT..this new energy didn't go away.  I knew exercise would help so I stuck with it.  I had no direction at this point just me and a pair of tennis shoes.  I knew I could jog a half mile so the next day I started with that. I stuck with it everyday, ..well I jogged for sure 4 days a week but at that time I think it was closer to 5.  By the end of my month....I was jogging NON STOP for 3 miles!!!  I used that old story alot when I was running.."i think i can i think i can"...I would say that over and over in my head until I reached my next goal.  Its amazing how just pushing yourself a little more than you did the day before makes HUGE changes!

Now during my month I had cut out all processed foods, all soda, meat, and fish!  I had added to my life Lots of veggies, and fruits and whole grains.  I also incorporated exercise (which a couple of weeks in my husband discovered a new way of exercise that changed my life!) and juicing.  The juicing made a HUGE impact.  When you cut out all the crap your putting into your body and eating whole foods plant based and THEN flooding your body with nutrients it has been starving for...something AMAZING happens!!
You body, is designed to heal itself.  It longs for homeostasis and when you fuel your body with the "right" foods it does just that! 

The food we eat will do one of two things: it will PROMOTE health and PREVENT disease, or it will PROMOTE disease and PREVENT health.  Its that simple. 

I am here today to shout it from the mountain tops that your doctors play a role in your health, HOWEVER they don't know diddly squat about Nutrition! Remember my 2nd doctor telling me my triglycerides were high and I was vitamin D deficient?  What did she do?  She "prescribed" a pill.  NOW I know that when you have High Cholesterol you are eating too much MEAT!  No other place in nature do you get cholesterol other than eating meat.  Its that simple.  Vitamin D deficient?  Go outside at noon on a sunny day without sunscreen and soak up the sun for 10 minutes; do this twice a week and your body absorbs from he sun and creates Vit D. 

 Mother Nature has everything for good health right at our fingertips.  We are given "free will" about everything in this life and health is no different.  Its a choice.  When you know better you do better! Answer me this: How can you be positive, happy, and help other people when you are hopeless, fat, sick, and in pain?  You can only be one Positive or Negative. Healthy or Fat/Sick.  Unhappy or Happy.  These are choices only YOU can make.

I remember reading stories like mine..and thinking yeah right, but I could never do that!  Or..thats great for them but I live in a small town and I don't have access to this or that.
I can't afford a personal trainer, I can't because my significant other will never change the way they eat.  I can't prepare two seperate meals, I can't I can't I can't.  And when you say you can't...YOU'RE RIGHT!

  However I now KNOW..you can either make it happen or make excuses!  You have the willpower you just have to "choose" to implement it.  Remember this battle starts in your mind.. gain control of your thoughts, choose to REFUSE the negative thoughts and people with their negative comments because YOUR life is just that...its YOURS!  Haters gonna hate;) But let them hate, let them hurl ridicule all the while they are checking their pill planners to make sure they didn't miss one ;) and YOU are out actually LIVING your life to the fullest while they ridicule you from the sidelines because have said to themselves "they can't" run with the big dogs (because like I used to be, they are fat, sick and nearly dead!) so they're just gonna stay where they are because they "might" fail.  And with this thinking...they have failed before they ever got started.

I am happy to report that I never went back for a hysterectomy, the pain is gone, I no longer have a need for pain medication or any medication for that matter and a really great bi-product I went from a size 12 to a now size 4! 



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Overweight Children

 

Our kids deserve Better than this!

 

 

 

 

Calories, Obesity, and Diabetes.....we're so confused about everything these days, but when it comes to our children and their health we seriously need to #CutTheCrap!

 

Medical problems now seen in young people that are diet related:

*High Cholesterol (which leads to Heart Disease)

*Atherosclerosis (some cases as young as 10 years old!)

*Glucose Intolerance (diabetes)

*High Blood Pressure

*Sleep Apnea ect...

 

My initial question is: Why on earth are we made to feel that it's "ok" to allow our kids ALL this processed foods, candy, pastries, sodas, and oh lets treat you to McDonald's because you made good grades...I'm tired have some spaghetto-Os.   When does the madness ever stop??  Our kids are inundated with enough "garbage" lets keep their food cleaner!  It's not ok for us to believe this junk is food any longer especially at the expense of our children!

 

BUT HOW???  Its everywhere! 

 

First what we  need to do is stop counting calories, stop with the fad diets, stop buying into those quick weight loss gimmicks! THEY DO NOT WORK long term and why would you want your child to lose weight for one event or for a few hours?  You want a HEALTHY  child and when you have that... weight and sickness are no longer an issue.   And hey, I'm not saying that if your kid goes to a sleepover to be the neurotic mom who sends special snacks!  Let them be with their friends and relax..you'll get them back on track when they come home.  This also teaches them balance which is the key to life.  I AM saying be the neurotic mom when it comes to taking snacks to school! Other kids can have a great on other children.  A friend brought sliced yellow and red bell peppers in her lunch and by seeing that I got my daughter to try them the next time I went to the store! Let your child be that for someone;)

 

Ok, so back to:  HOW?

 

FIRST you gotta clean out the house!  Get rid of everything that is Processed, Refined anything, Sodas. Pastries, Cookies, Candy and no frying! Get it out of your house either eat it or trash it.  Once it's gone don't let it come back!  When it's gone replace it for a healthy item you enjoy.  Popcorn (not the butter lovers you gotta get natural old popcorn--try it with cumin or another crazy spice..it will surprise you!)  Replace your candy bowl with pistachios. Black Beans instead of Re fried.  Little changes;)

 

 Simple truth of the matter is...our body doesn't get the nutrients it needs from processed foods, refined sugars, refined ANYTHING, fast food items, and sodas..   We can get ALL that our body needs from a whole foods plant based diet. Here is a link to help you understand WFPB foods When I say this to people they make a terrible face..say "there is no way", "where do I get protein", "what do I eat??" Actually it's THE EASIEST way to eat! When one eats a whole foods plant based diet you can EAT AS MUCH FOOD AS YOU WANT. Because we are eating nutrient packed foods.  We end up eating more fiber so this alone helps you feel full. :) This way of eating takes out ALL the guesswork!  Is it a whole food? OK, then I can eat it!

*Did you know that your body can get all the amino acids it needs to make protein by eating a variety of a whole foods plant based diet. Yep. You don't even need animal foods to get your protein..its one of the myths we need to unlearn.

 

We need to know that our bodies NEED Carbohydrates, Fats, and Protein along  essential amino acids, micronutrients and macronutirents, and water.  Without these our body is not functioning properly.  Those listed on the "cut" list do not offer anything that is remotely good for us.. so it needs to GO.  Meaning if it is in a bag or box that contains a list of ingredients you can't pronounce..it's processed.

Exception is pasta- go for whole wheat or brown rice (brown rice is my personal fav)

 

Now what to eat:  FOOD!  You've all heard to shop the outer perimeter of the store and I completely AGREE..however I do go in to death valley for pasta, canned veggies, legumes,  tomato variety's and bread. (remember the key to shopping is ONE INGREDIENT)

Also if this change seems radical..honestly I guess it is.  But I don't know of too many things we expect BIG results in that we don't have to get radical about.  Having said this, I don't want you to think you can never eat meat again...but quite frankly meat makes us fat and sick.  And once we're healthy then you can chose to encorperate some lean meat.  If your child is sick and on medication you will absolutley want to cut meat out of their diet.

 

 Dairy which we all have been told is "healthy" is actually...NOT.  Dairy products contain Casein.  Casein is  the main protein found in dairy.  Casein has been shown to "PROMOTE" disease; cancer to be exact.  One article here  and it has also been shown to DEPLETE our body of calcium..Crazy right?!?! More stuff here.   It's also contains cholesterol so why do we need to add cholesterol to our diet again???  And lets not even get started on how much sugar is in chocolate milk (that one is double trouble it is NOT a healthy alternative)

 I have super awesome charts and graphs of scientific research on this..however I have to convert them all from PDFs.  One day I'll have a minute...one day.

So, if you can immediately cut out dairy do it. Especially if you or your child has diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, high cholesterol even a runny nose!  If your child doesn't have any illness and will freak out totally about you taking cheese or milk away..start to limit this.  I'm currently dealing with this issue in my house...so I feel ya. 

 

 

 

If you want to try our iCutTheCrap for 28 day challenge then be sure and like the page here

 

 

Healthy Living is VERY DIFFICULT....FOR BUSINE$$!  Where is the money if we're all healthy and don't need potions or pills?? 

 



How toxic are you?

 

Did you know: As long as you are taking in more toxins than you are eliminating that your body is NOT going to let you burn fat?  Saaaaay what now?!?  Ok so let me break it on down for ya.  Chemicals used it processed foods, fast foods, all the artificial colors, the sodas..ect all these contain chemicals that are "toxic" to your body and health! 

 

These chemicals are lipophilic.  Lipophilic is a big word meaning "dissolves in fat." 

 

How this works: You take in a combo meal from a fast food restaurant which means these chemicals become a part of you.  Our body is a super awesome machine that works HARD to keep us healthy and function at its fullest capacity. However when we take in these chemicals/toxins our body doesn't know what on earth to do with them...so it makes FAT CELLS to store them in (so you don't die).

 

Break'n it down further: eat too much chemically altered food>body wants to keep you alive so it makes FAT CELLS>chemicals/toxins are stored in those cells because if it released them into your blood stream you would...well die.

 

You can go to the gym and lose 10 pounds by sheer force, but your borrowing from Peter to pay Paul... AND you'll have to pay back with interest!!   

Because if you just burn fat without doing a plant based detox you will be allowing those toxins into your body and could cause even more damage.  When detoxing properly you are forcing those toxins to your liver (which is why coffee enemas are SO IMPORTANT) and with exercise you are allowing toxins out of your body via sweat.

 

Here is a Link to detoxing foods

 

 

 

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Line me up another one? Wait what..

 

You know that homeless guy you scoffed at because...well..if he wasn't addicted to drugs he could function as a normal member of society.  Well let me throw this at you.  How hard would it be for you to cut out SUGAR?  Yeeeah..not so easy huh?  Sorta like you're "addicted" huh?  Think you could do it?  That means giving up: Candy, energy drinks, most fruit juices, obviously sodas, Processed foods, pastries, donuts, cakes, and even most breads, most cereals, jams and jellies...

 

Ever wonder why you get sick a lot?  Let me give you some information on Sugar and your Immune System. 

 

One of sugars major drawbacks is that sugar raises the insulin level, which inhibits the release of growth hormones which in turn depresses the immune system.

 

Too much sugar into your blood stream makes your body upset and out of balance triggering the release of insulin.  Insulin promotes the storage of fat. Eating too much sugar causes rapid weight gain, elevated triglyceride levels which are BOTH linked to cardiovascular disease.  Complex carbs lessen the impact on blood sugar levels...so keep that in mind.

 

Glucose vs. Vitamin C-  Blood sugar value of 120 reduces the phagocytic index by 75%--sooo..eating sugar causes your immune system to SLOW DOWN TO A CRAWL!

 

All animals convert sugar into ascorbic acid (Vit C) EXCEPT Humans, Primates, and Guinea Pigs.

 

Health dangers of sugar are certain!

 

Simple sugars aggravate asthma, cause mood swings, personality changes, muster mental illness, nourish nervous disorders, diabetes, hurries heart disease, grows gallstones, arthritis...........

 

Because refined dietary sugars lacks minerals and vitamins  they must draw upon the body's micro nutrients in order to be metabolized into the system, when its depleted metabolization of cholesterol and fatty acids is hindered contributing to high triglycerides, high cholesterol, and obesity.

 

*Sugar consumption is 1 of 3 major causes of degenerative disease..and it is well known that SUGAR feeds Cancer!*

 

This is definitely not cause to switch to artificial sweeteners!  But...that's a whoooooole other blog;)

 

 



Taco Tuesday.. is still cool

 

 

You may OR MAYBE NOT be wondering how you can still have your Taco Tuesdays without processed foods.  Fear no more!  OK so this is how WE do it at my house. (Or how I do it ...last I checked I didn't have a private chef;) 

 

A while back I started buying ground turkey and started using it instead of hamburger meat.  One thing I love about turkey is you don't have to drain it!! My crew likes "soft" tacos so I buy tortillas at Whole Foods (no enriched bleached crap)..I recently bought the spinach ones and since it was around Easter I said they were these COOL NEW "Easter" colored tortillas so my picky 6 year old would at least TRY them!  She never knew the difference. Ok I digress. So turkey, good tortillas..check...now I usually serve shredded cheese, avocado, cilantro, lettuce, and whatever else I think they'll put on their tacos, and let them make their own. BUT what about the seasoning??   I have a recipe for that!  I found it so long ago I don't know who to credit it with but I "think" maybe it was Rachael Ray?  I also don't go by the whole recipe because my kids think its too "spicy" so after I give you the whole recipe for taco seasoning I will give you my tweaked version of it.  By the way, my teeny tiny picky 6 year old who if I were to make a taco with hamburger meat will NOT eat it and  only will eat cheese. lettuce and sour cream on a tortilla..but will eat TWO of my tweaked turkey tacos!!  Here goes:

 

Taco Seasoning:

1 Tbsp Chili powder

1/4 tsp Garlic Powder

1/4 tsp Onion Powder

1/4 tsp Crushed Red pepper flakes

1/4 tsp Dried Oregano

1/2 tsp Paprika

1 1/2 tsp Cumin

1 tsp Sea Salt

1 tsp Black Pepper

 

NOW...here is my "tweaked" version

1/2 tsp garlic Powder

1/2 tsp Oregano

1/2 tsp SMOKED paprika (it kicks regular paprika's ass)

1 1/2 tsp Cumin

1tsp Sea Salt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

If you're like me you're getting fed up with all the candy holidays.  I mean seriously!  We need to get over the thought that candy is still a treat.  Why on earth do we think its so "special?"  There was probably a time when it was special..but that was probably before most of my readers were born;)

 

Moms, I LOVE you, I RESPECT you, I am one of YOU, but we are going to have to work together on this.  So I say lets start with claiming Easter back!  How can this be done you ask?  Well stay with me because I'm going to give you just a few ideas of how we can CutTheCrap and reclaim our childrens health!

 

I am first going to suggest you get a decorating kit or make your own, and spend a little time with your half pints letting their creativity flow!  Don't get caught up on how perfect and pretty you could make the eggs, of course you can your grown and have had years of experience. Let the kiddos at it and let them have fun with this!  You may need to get an old painting sheet or newspaper and put them in an old tshirt;)  I love this idea because its so much fun to watch your little ones create AND...with these beauties.. you will not have to worry about "filling them with crap."  AND if properly stored you can make something great out of them. Check out a few ideas here: Ideas of what to do with all the leftover eggs:)

 

Secondly what else comes with Easter? The Easter Bunny!  Now how do we get him to slow his roll with the candy?  First we need to release the guilt that  just because WE had a chocolate bunny that our kids need one too!  What would he leave in our kids basket if say....we just learned all candy in the U.S. had been recalled right before Easter?!?!  Thinking caps ON!

 

CutTheCrap Easter Baskets:

Books

Art Supplies

Crafts

Clothing Items

Shoes

Hair Accessories

Bubbles

Baseballs, Bouncy Balls, Soccer Balls, Basketballs..

Games for the Car

Dominos

Zoo Memberships

Card Games..Board Games

Concert Tickets

Movie theater gift Certificates..

 

Ok, but we can't forget the Easter Egg Hunt!  Now if you want to die that many eggs go for it!  But if you don't I at least suggest half real half plastic. 

 

 What ever will we put in those plastic eggs besides candy??

 

Here are a few ideas of Non Candy items for Easter Eggs:

We like to hide a couple prize eggs using those giant plastic eggs.  Sometimes you can find a Gold and silver plastic egg and I LOVE to use these because we do paper money in those!  You can make it as much or as little as you want. 

 

Now for all the other plastic eggs they will be hunting.  I don't know about you, but when I was growing up not every one of those plastic eggs was filled with "stuff" and that made it a little more special.  I mean it's already FUN to just find the dern egg so don't feel like you have to load every plastic egg up with goodies.  Make them a bit more special by only having a certain amount of them filled. 

 

CutTheCrap Plastic Easter Eggs:

Money-depending on age use quarters

Play-doh

Stickers

Socks-fun easter themed socks

Seed Packets- it is Spring for goodness sake

Raisins/Craisins

Race Cars

Squinkies

Hair clips and accessories

Chapsticks/Lip Gloss

Nail Polish

Bath Fizzies

Pencil Erasers

Plastic Insects

Whatever your child is "into" get creative and add small things in the basket according to their interest.

 

Now lets take back our Holidays!

 

 



Jeckle and Hyde #ItsMyLife #ImOkWithIt

Writing has always been a source of therapy for me.  Often times I can have such grand feelings then as soon as I fill my page of emotion I start to realize how out of balance "I" am.  (I always think it everyone elses fault hehe)  I know it as soon as I post it.  If I have that....OMG I am really about to hit the publish button and this is just going to be out there for anyone to see, OR I have to be made to publish a piece. THAT is when I know that what I have written were core levels of emotional clutter that had apparently been building up and apparently my most effective way of ridding myself and cleaning house emotionally is to write. 

It's quite amazing how your mind coinsides to your external house.  The more and more clutter we have in our house the bigger and bigger the clutter becomes, because like attracts like. Then once we "DE-clutter".. it creates space.  When you create space in your home it opens up possibilities you never saw before for your space...because it had so much clutter you couldn't even look at it long enough to organize a plan much less actually deal with it to get creative.  And isn't it funny when we have this clutter the harder and harder it is to move past it when the whole time our end goal is to reduce the clutter. 

Once we finally deal  and get rid of all the tangible things we don't love, use, and value any longer we reduce the amount of negative energy that is held on stagnant things. Those things hold us down and makes us lethargic.  When your rid of all that negative energy.. you have then created room for positive energy and the things that are left are things that bring you joy!  Joy  and happiness are positive energies and have a much stronger source of energy!  So surround yourself with the things you love! Remember "like attracts like"
 
Just like your(external) house so is your (internal) mind and vise verse
Like your (internal) mind so manifest your(external) house. (sounds sorta familiar??)


Well I'm De-cluttering and my mind reeping the benefits and is seeing so many new possibilities.  The future looks bright.  #ThinkI'mGonnaNeedShades

It's NOT Magical...it's Mechanical

I personally want to live in a world where I believe things are "magical" I mean honestly where is the fun with out magical?!? Everyone who is  true to themselves wants everything to be magical ESPECIALLY relationships. We think Prince Charming or Cinderella  will show up one day wisk us away with their charm and knock us to our knees with their undying unfailing never ending love and of course they would rather die themselves before they hurt us! However Magic is just make believe, and we're mechanical and thats just how it is, and Well... Im not sure how mechanics work!!!

These are a few thing I do know. I know black and white. Happy and Sad, Love and hate.. I know drama.  I do NOT know how to turn the other cheek, and Im trying to learn to be balanced.

Do you remember those times in life that you were SURE with all of your being that they were magical and your enthusiasm and joy for life was at it's peak...its pinnacle if you will?  Things burned brighter than the sun in your life then. Your heart sang with gladness, nothing on earth could keep your feet on the ground!!  When you sang songs its like they were were written JUST for you.  We've all had those times. Why don't THEY last?

 I hear its all perspective. Change your mind change your life.  Well what idiot said that?!?  Of course its a mental snapshot of your life at the time.  But my question for YOU Universe is.. what the crap have you done to my perspective??  OR does my mental camera need to be fine tuned?  Was there ever any magic or..is my life mechanical and im not mechanically inclined enough to figure this out?? Am I not taking enough risks anymore?  Have I become complacent, boring and predictable?  Have I risked my soul singing by staying in one spot too long? I used to be the girl who used to laugh the loudest. Now the quiet kills me because is SCREAMS the truth.  I like you want to feel with every fiber of my being. Life is short and I don't have time to be stuck!

I suppose our lives are like revolving doors, well thats how I imagine them anyway. I  feel like I just keep walking around and around.  Too scared to make a decision, or is it the guilt we let other people in our lives have over us?? Ultimate Happiness is on one side of the revolving door and on the other is all the other people and their crap  that awaits us! Somehow I "magically" end up picking the wrong door...or are their mechanical steps I have neglected? So in the past when I've gotten spued on the floor through the wrong door I dust off my jeans look up, stand up and think well hell...wrong door AGAIN!

  I guess it could be our "perspective" while making that never ending circle around.  BUT WAIT, I ask you what if there is such thing as ultimate happiness? Or are we only just allowed glimpses of it?  Are those glimpses a window into enlightenment? I guess the same works for ultimate sadness, betrayel, lost, hurt, and depression.  We all know they exist so the major question is...how to make one outshine the other? I say to heck with perspective and lets get radical...because radical seems adventurous! And maybe thats how you get it back?

Let me say this, I have always hated revolving doors!!  Don't ask me why.. they just freak me out!  I avoid them at ALL costs.  Maybe because I feel like Im trapped in there...and its why using it as an example for life seems so fitting.  Don't mishear me I don't hate my life, on the contrary I love my life, but just because you love your life doesn't mean that major changes don't need to happen.  As I circle around Im looking for the right door the right exit all the RIGHT things.  But I'm starting to believe my right and your right aren't the same rights.  Sometimes... you have to push those doors hard when they're full of people and their CRAP!! And then when the time comes to make the scary decision..you just gotta be brave JUMP out!!

“If you dont know learn how to be scared, you'll never really learn how to be brave.”
― Simon Holt, The Devouring

Running Just As Fast As She Can.....

                             Holding onto one anothers hand...     

Once upon a time lived a chameleon. Her name was CiCi. This chameleon never really felt like she was supposed to be a chameleon, so you can already see how this story is confusing.  Chameleons change their "colors" in social situations and depending on their moods. Society told this chameleon that she was supposed to be who she was on the inside and not to change!  Growing up this chameleon saw her friends dress a certain way act a certain way...so as a Chameleon CiCi changed with her friends.  CiCi loved sports and being active!  She loved being with people and spending time with her friends, and just acting completly goofy!
 Later when CiCi the Chameleon went to chameleon college (as all good Chameleons are supposed to do) she noticed some things...she noticed she wasn't changing her colors anymore.  She was just one color (coincidently the same color as all the other chameleons)..she didnt' think much of it..it was probably normal. Because remember people told her changing isn't good be who you are!

 While at college she met a boy chameleon and all her chameleon friends thought they were perfect.  They both had a pretty color (even though it wasn't changing) and even though these two chameleons knew deep down they didn't quite fit together somehow...all the other chameleons thought they did..so, they stayed together for a long time.  THEN one day CiCI did something radical and started a job with other chameleons that were changing their colors and it seemed like they were really living their life! SO..little by little CiCi noticed her colors started to change again and she felt alive again, but she realized that the boy chameleon she had made lots of plans with only liked her to be ONE color.  CiCi struggled with this alot because was that one color who she really was?? Was that what a good chameleons did? Was she really a chameleon who was supposed to change her colors or should she believe what EVERYONE ALWAYS told her that she was to be true to herself  (whatever that was) and be who she is on the inside..was that one color who she was on the inside?? WOW! So you can see how CiCi was very confused. 

One day CiCi went with her colorful friends and they all took a road trip.  Somehow they arrived at a cliff...then all of a sudden she noticed her friends were laughing and having a good time but she couldn't find them anywhere!  CiCi searched, and what CiCi decided to do next would change her life forever.  She looked at the cliff...she thought about her color...then..CiCi did something no one would have ever expected her to do. SHE JUMPED! She stood at the edge of the cliff, and this time she didn't look where she had been and she didn't care where she was going..she turned and faced the cliff...and just JUMPED!  She didnt' care if or where she landed.

It took a long time fore CiCi and her chameleon love to recover from her jump.  CiCi did alot of damage when she jumped!  Sometimes when you jump towards what you think is right things get broken. For a long time CiCi was broken and the Boy Chameleon got broken too.  CiCi for a while thought...maybe everyone was right...maybe she  was supposed to just stay that one color and live the rest of her life like that..maybe that WAS who she was!!! This mad CiCi sad.  Sad she had wrecked her life sad she had wrecked his life.   Now look what you've done she would say to herself!! Look at all the damage you have caused to the Boy chameleon you said you loved and how the hurt trickled down through some of your friends.

Time passed and CiCi and the Boy Chameleon moved in different directions.  CiCi was still lost and trying to find her colors again because she had been stuck on a dark color for a long time and thought maybe her jump had caused her color to get stuck and she feared it would be forever!

Time passed and one day CiCi went out with a friend and met another chameleon named Leo. He seemed fun and every now and then she could see different colors from him.  It took a long time before CiCi got up the courage to talk to this new Chameleon.  As you can see CiCi was one confused chameleon!And see.. Leo had just jumped off his own cliff so..he mostly was dark too, but every now and then his colors would show.  Little by little, and bit by bit the two chameleons were changing colors and laughing again.  She still worried that it was wrong to change her colors so often, but  Leo laughed at her and assured her that she was supposed to change her colors!! He also helped CiCi realize that she was unique, and by staying the same color all the time was boring and no one could tell her apart from the others when she did what everyone else was doing.  This was new to CiCi, but the more she thought about it...the more she realized that changing her colors WAS who she was supposed to be!

Now a short time into their Chameleon friendship the Universe decided that CiCi and Leo should be together and live the rest of their chameleon life changing their colors and changing their world. 

Now their chameleon life hasn't been easy like CiCi thought it would be.  See...another thing "everyone" told CiCi is that its NOT normal if that jolt of excitement she would get from jumping off cliffs with Leo, or the excitement of changing colors together isn't there.  So CiCi worried again she wasnt' doing it right because that spark didnt' seem to last long, and NOW CiCi and Leo had two little Chameleons to think about.

Some days Leo would venture out looking for Cliffs on his own.  Not other Chameleons just those cliffs..you know where he thought the color changes came  from. Because when Leo would get stuck on one color he began to worry!  However, after going out and trying the scariest cliffs..you know those ones where you can't see the bottom.. the ones that COULD be bottomless but you are so desperate to "feel" something so your colors will change you just close your eyes and close your mind and jump!!! Luckily for Leo the cliffs he jumped from weren't bottomless so..several broken bones later Leo slowly started to realize that maybe the real adventure and the real spark wasn't really from those bottomless cliffs.  That the real adventure was taking CiCi by the hand..and them jumping TOGETHER..and on the way down reminding her how beautiful her colors were (even when others didnt' think so) and in turn CiCi would remind Leo how much she loved his colors and how beautiful his chameleon heart was. 

Guess what happened next??  On the way down they caught a tiny glimpse of a tiny spark from a giant flame that was there under their dark color the whole time!

If you're wondering what happend to the college boy chameleon...he found his most perfect chameleon mate who forced him to change his colors often and THAT  allowed him to see how beautiful the world can be when you let that perfect chameleon mate (as scary as it is) to touch a place on your heart that you've never allowed anyone to even look at.

CiCi and Leo's story isn't over yet..actually its JUST beginning..and if I know CiCi and Leo...it's gonna be one hell of a ride;)

jump!